... because they self sabotage their own healing process
why ? you may ask, I ll say : because of secondary gains.
What are secondary gains ?
Secondary gains are unconscious motivators that reward you in emotionally or physically ways for holding on to your problems and diseases.
When a bad habit serves you , there is an unconscious hidden benefit.
You may have tried to change or heal on many different occasions, but the problem would not go away.
|When this happens there is likely that you unconsciously sabotage your healing/solving problem process.
lts's take for example the fear of commitment: a person might do something to destroy a realtionship in its early stages so that there is no chance of getting hurt.This is a type of self sabotage.
The hidden benefit is that the fear of being hurt provides safety.
Sometimes by being a victim a person receives more love and attention from those arond them.
Another hidden benefit of being a victim could be that people always come to the rescue, which creates feelings of security and being cared for.
Another example of hidden benefit is the benefit of anger. A person might hold on to anger because it makes them feel powerful. They use anger to compensate for poor personal boundaries, and the hidden benefit is that it helps them to feel safe.
We all have hidden benefits , we all have something in our lives that is serving us in some way.
Hidden benefits serve people to such an extend that unconsciously they do not desire to uncover them, therefore they create self sabotage and blocking of their healing process or any changes in their lives.
The hidden benefit of not taking responsibility, allows you to keep blaming others for your problems and your poor choices you made in life.
The most challenging step is to identify these patterns, identify issues, become aware of them and take full responsibility for yourself and the choices you make.
The best way to do so is to work with a practitioner, and explore together those areas where you feel stuck and stagnant.
Ask yourself :
" If I heal from this...., what would change in my life that I do not want to change? "
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